Confessions
by theakitaevita
Summary: These are the Confessions and the side of the Rent Characters that you have never sceen. I warn that it is not going to be the characters the way you see them. Read at your own cost.
1. Confessions of a Musican

Disclaimers: I do not own them. I only Rent them. They belong to the late great Jonathan Larson!

A/N: I know that this is going to be odd and not in character but that is what I was going for.

_Confessions of a Musician _

_I really don't know what made me do it. I don't…that is a lie. I do. Mimi. I lover her so much but Benny was just too much. I did not do it on purpose…that is the truth. I am not that shallow. Maureen had just broken up with Joanne and Mimi and I had just gotten back together. Angel was getting sicker and the fights between Mark, Collins and me have gotten even worst. I hate fighting. Especially with them. _

_It was the night that Angel died, but before any of us knew it. Mimi was at work and I was alone. Maureen came over all worked up and up-set. She and Joanne had just had the biggest fight this year and she was hurt. I actually felt bad for her. I know how much she and Joanne love each other. I also know how it is to have an on and off relationship, so I knew what she was going through. I took her out for a few drinks and then we came home to talk about what happened. But we did not. We just sat there in silence. That was until Maureen turned around and kissed me. When she was done she sat back next to me and we were quiet for a moment. Watching the door, waiting. For what? How the hell do I know. But then I did the indescribable. I turned to her and kissed her back. I don't know what had made me do it. But all I remember was that I felt my self turning, pulling her toward me and planting my lips on hers. _

_I could not control my self. I felt like a puppet. My puppet hands were the ones that unhooked her bra, that carried her to my room, that touched the skin that I would have never, in a million years, even thought about touching. Then again there I was on top of her. I had tried that whole time to stop but my body told me other wise. _

_There I was laying on top of her on my bed. The same bed that I have shared with Mimi countless nights. But no, not this night. Tonight I was with Maureen. I could hear her heart beat in my ear. I could feel the soft, warm breath on the back of my neck. Her hands, fingers, running through my hair. That was the only time in my life that I knew that the world would not come crashing down. _

_After several quiet moments, we got up and did what we had to do. Never talking about it. Later that night or morning she and Joanne got back together and all was well. Or at least we hoped. That day we had the biggest fight that we have ever had in our entire relationship. In the end Mimi went back to Benny and the drugs. That night was by far the worst night in my life. While I was getting my brains fucked out by someone who was forbidden, one of my best friends was watching another friend and lover die. At this moment he is alone with who he called his Angel. Meanwhile here we are fighting. Maureen, Joanne, Mimi, and me._

_Now that I am in front of Marks camera, telling my soul, something that I have never told anyone in my life. Now the whole world knows. _

_The Confessions of a Musician _


	2. Confessions of a Drag Queen

Disclaimers: I do not own them. I only Rent them. They belong to the late great Jonathan Larson!

_Confessions of a Drag Queen._

_I have never been the accusing type. But then when you have a guy like Collins how could not be. I mean he is such a great guy. He had never given me a reason to doubt him. Never. Then why? Why did I push him away that night that got me here? In the Hospital._

_Hate, hurt, jealousy, anger, alones, everything and more. Why? Why did I do that? He was always so good to me. Too good to me. He would work late night and early mornings so that I had money to blow, to pay rent, food, AZT, everything that I could not afford. The days he would be off he would spend them with me, for me. Things like cooking for me, taking me out and showing me off, hell he even tagged along with me for a few shopping trips with Mimi and Maureen, just to spend the day with me, but no matter what that ill lurking of another man or woman kept on coming to my mind. But never, not once did I tell him how I felt. _

_When the summer came the felling went. I knew that he had felt bad and he made it a point to spend every waking moment with me. The very few times that he would not be with me he had always found a way to make it up to me. Like he would always leave some sort of flower on my pillow in the morning when he was going to spend the day with Roger and Mark. One time he even made me this really tacky, unflattering, green and pink skirt. I had not the heart to tell him that it was ugly, he just looked too happy. As the summer when on our relationship had gotten better but with every good thing comes a bad, I began to get sick more often. _

_When the summer ended, the feelings came back. He picked up a second job to pay for all the medication and hospital visits and that meant that he would be home less. For the first time in our relationship we had begun to fight. I do not think that it would be considered fighting, it was more like I yelled and he took it. The basetrd took it! But the night that had got me here was by far the worst. _

_I had spent the day in bed sick. I knew that it was going to be a long day for him but that did not take away from me feeling pissed. He had come home late that night and never came to the room to me. I waited. I waited for him to come to the room, to talk, about his day. I need him to be with me, so that I could tell him how much I hated him for not being home and so that I could accuse him of cheating. I knew he was in the apartment because I could her him, his cough, sigh, shuffling papers, walking, and even his yawns. I hated him at that moment. I got up and with some sort of force threw him against the wall. I began to yell. About cheating, never being home, hate, hurt, jealousy, everything. Then when I got tired and collapsed he knelt down and held me. He told me that he was sorry and that he should have been home more often. Everything that I wanted to hear. But at that moment I did not. I hit him, punched him, kicked him, bit him, anything to get him to feel physically how I felt mentally, emotionally. _

_Then I got up and ran. I ran I the rain, in my pajamas, no coat, no shoes, no shirt, and for the first time this year no Collins. All I had was pants, socks, and hate. I spent the night with the poor for the first time since I had moved here. I did not go back to him. How could I? After the way that I had treated him? If anything I did not deserve him. I had accused him of all the suspicions that I felt and never once questioned him. NEVER!_

_I was on the street for a total of two nights when I had saw the last person that I had ever wanted to see. _

"_Angel?" _

_It was Joanne. It is not that I like her but I just hate for people to see me so...helpless. Joanne took me to her apartment and got me back to health, or at least did the best she could. I had a fever that could not go down and I felt ice cold to touch. Finally one day against my wanting she called Collins to come and get me. I was so weak that I could not even get off the spare bed. I did not want to see him, but when he came through the door for the first time I felt like my 'Angel' came through the door. _

_For the rest of that day, week, even month, was all a blur. All I know is that he never left my side. No matter how much I or the doctors would tell him to leave and tell him that visiting hours are over he would not leave. _

_This is the first time that he has left me. This side is a side that I had hoped that I would not have to show anyone. A side that no one not even Collins has seen of me._

_Welcome to the Confessions of a Drag Queen!_


End file.
